Thursday, August 6, 2009

I Do..I Don't..Do I?

Some girls wait a life time for a man on bended knee with a ring in his hand proclaiming undying love. I didn’t have to wait a lifetime and I had three. Well, they weren’t all on bended knee but it was rings they wanted to put on my finger, making me theirs, intricately binding my life with their own. It would have been spectacular if all three did it at the same time. Saying I do to all would have made for some very interesting nights. French on Mondays, Portuguese on Wednesdays, English on Fridays and a continental buffet over the weekends.

Ooolala…I can’t seem to run away from my as yet unfulfilled sexual fantasy of being the object of pure carnal lust of two men or more. Hmmm… I am still holding on with hope that some naughty dreams of mine will come true someday. Life is difficult for a discerning nympho who finds it hard to give sexual trust. Yet at the same time I get easily aroused by men who excel in verbal foreplay. And I certainly don’t mean phrases like “oh baby I wanna fuck you so badddd!”. If that floated my boat, I would be a happy pussy listening to Akon and 50 cent every night.

Just how can I say “I do” and know that I can never have the pleasure of toying with a man using all my charms of seduction ever again? How do I give up the thrill of kissing a new pair of lips and feeling the excitement of the moment when a stranger turns into a lover. Or when a friend you have spent years teasing and taunting suddenly decides to put his tongue down your throat and his hands slip under your bra, squeezing the very breasts he had only seen glimpses of. How do you match sudden surges of excitement like this with the routine and predictable sex you will be having with your beloved spouse? It is what grown ups do you say, they settle down and have kids! But what if settling down and playing mommy isn’t all that I want?

My very own Cristiano left me terrified of men who try to kill the very essence of me that attracted them in the first place. “Your top is too low, my friends are staring at your boobs”. “You are my girlfriend, stop chatting with my friends, you are flirting with them aren’t you?” I endured three years of playing the submissive and passive girlfriend. An attachment to his arm while we went drinking and playing pool with his endless stream of rowdy and socially dysfunctional friends. I endured. Until he accused me of having an affair with my colleague. If it were fucking true, I wouldn’t have minded but what snapped within me was that he sucked all the joy and happiness I had in just being me. And I wasn’t even being unfaithful to him!

And then there was Pierce. I had never expected to find yet alone, fall in love with a man like Pierce. He was captivated by every aspect of me. It turned him on watching me tease and flirt with his buddies and when we got home, the sex was phenomenal. With him, I could totally let go and just be that wanton slut that I am and he didn’t judge. Nothing was too perverse, nothing was taboo. From bondage to a vixen in knee high boots, a corset and whip. I was his Madame, his slut, his sex toy, his lover. Surprising him at work in the middle of the day for a quickie in the helicopter to smoking joints and riding him on a bobbing boat in the middle of the sea. It was never predictable, it was always fun. I trusted him completely. So much that I wanted so badly to give him a threesome with a Filipina bar maid who caught his eye.

I was excited and terrified all at the same time. Unsure of what I was doing and how I was going to feel. It helped that she and I got along fabulously. Fair with an angelic face and dark hair, she turned heads where ever she went. The body helped as well I suppose. I watched her undress, he seemed mesmerized till he turned to look at me with eyes that were filled with so much love. I can never forget the sight of her mouth sliding down his cock and as he threw his head back in pleasure and pulled me towards him, kissing me with such ferocity that I thought he was going to cum there and then.

There were ground rules, he couldn’t fuck her. Hey, it was my first ever 3some with a man I was in love with so of course I was a tad possessive! And he couldn’t kiss her forehead. For some strange reason, I have always associated kissing someone’s forehead as being the most intimate gesture of affection. He has been the only one who has done it to me and apart from Pierce, I have only kissed Stallion on the forehead.

I really didn’t have to worry because all Pierce seemed interested in doing was to give me a fucking that left me sore for days.

I almost said I do to Pierce, but I didn’t and now I wonder, do I really want the I dos? Maybe with a man who doesn’t want to change me and shares the same sexual drive I do and yearns to explore new experiences, feelings and sensations. A man who understands that I have a life, respects my secrets and doesn’t question my past. A man who is confident and comfortable in his own skin, who doesn’t need me but chooses to be with me.

If that man exists, then maybe I do.

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