Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Listing Love

"Make a list!", says Mr.Ph.D and lurve author.

"Make a list of everything you want your dream guy to be. You have to be clear on what you want before you can attract him into your life."

And be "specific" especially if little things like inches, age and erm..neatness is important to you. Well, the lurve doctor didn't say that, Maya did. Maya who made her list and got what she asked for except for the neat bit. Maya who now spends a considerable amount of time cleaning up after her hot and sexy guy. But I guess being hot and sexy, he makes up for Maya's lack of specification on her List.

Anyway, this isn't about Maya and her list. It is about me and mine. It is about me getting everything that I asked for and more. And yet, I hesitate. I ponder. I am like a deer caught in the headlights.

I want to redo my list but Maya says I am being a fickle bitch. Well, technically she said I am just being a bitch but I added the fickle part simply because it made more sense. What if my list is not done? What if I think I want certain things and until I actually get it, that is when I realise I don't really want it? You know like when you are eating at a French restaurant and you think you simply must have escargot because that is just what you should have in a hoity toity French place. And when it is served, you look at it and decide you rather just have the breadsticks.

Okay, so this is what I think I want...

1. Older than me
2. A business owner
3. Wants to get married
4. Has $$
5. Captivated by me
6. Does what ever I ask
7. Loves to travel
8. Willing and able to give me all the material things in life that I covet
9. Cherishes me & believes in being faithful
10 Protective and caring

and I get everything (and more!) yet, I feel nothing but fear and apprehension. So much for the list. Maybe I didn't do it right. Why do I want the breadsticks? Why??

Elizabeth Gilbert in her illuminating book; Eat Pray Love has this to say about how we create the men we want:

"In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding that they be what we need from them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we create in the first place."

Alright, it is not exactly about getting what's on our list but more of trying to get what we want from our existing partners. Although I didn't start a relationship with this man, I am devastated. Why? Because he was everything I asked for and yet he still could not be what I wanted him to be. And that forces me to confront myself.

Now, that is one scary thing to do. And I am not sure I am ready for that, to know what it is I want. But what is becoming clear, is knowing what I don't want to be anymore. Again Liz expresses my sentiments perfectly,

"But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilling yearnings."

Even though I am tired, tired of Loneliness in bed with me every night and waking up with Depression who stalks me all day. I am just going to S U R R E N D E R to the rhythm of life and hopefully develop the blind faith that is needed to know that one day through a series of fortunate incidents, he will somehow end up in front of me. It will not be just our bodies we share but he wants to share his heart and I am willing to share mine.

And that I would finally experience Love as Gibran describes it in The Prophet;

"And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips. You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore. You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days."

Or maybe I should just make a more specific list.

What do you think?


  1. u know I had my list too, even put a time bracket onto it. ( demanding Him to deliver it to me ASAP)and He did, on time and with greatest precision and mystery and by then I had forgotten the list...(tucked onto some diary )so when I revisited the list after I met him; I was wondering why didnt I create a longer and more specific list? So there you go..it will never be enough LOL

  2. Specific or not.. if your heart truly desires something or someone.. then He will make all things possible.. I recall a famous author who wrote that "If you (really) want something, all the universe will conspire in helping you achieve that dream." So, dream my dear Tala.. dream big and never give up.. :)

  3. Princess..I guess being women, we can never have enough shoes or bags and what we want in a guy can never be enough! Thanks for taking the time to comment on it. Appreciate it. Glad you found Him. :D

    Mata Hari..I think I know the author you are referring to..and ya..I dream, even when I am too exhausted, I still hold on to the dreams. What is life without dreams? It is the hope that gets us through each day.


Web www.talaspawprints.blogspot.com