Lord of Beginnings

*Vakratunda Mahaakaaya Suryakotee Sama Prabha
Nirvighnam kuru mey Deva
Sarva kaaryeshu Sarvadaa

My spiritual path has been anything but predictable since I attained the ripe ol' age of 12. And it had everything to do with a young Catholic priest I met who took my tender child-like curiosity & bubbling anti-establishment spirit, and gave it wings. He welcomed my abhorrence for mindless rituals and challenged the view in which I saw religion. While other pubescent teenagers were busy flipping through Sweet Valley High novels, I was deep in thought pondering over the letters he used to write to me or I would be addictively entrenched in life-changing books he shared with me like "The City of Joy".

I was slowly and decidedly moving away from organized religion and immersing myself instead into a journey of self-awareness. A journey that took me to Buddhism, Tibetan Buddhism, Nichiren Daishonin, Christianity, Islam, Wicca and numerous other spiritual paths that have no labels. I was not searching for one god to worship but rather I was looking to awaken every part of my conscious and sub-conscious being. Through understanding the way others viewed their spirituality, I learned to understand my place & purpose in life better. Any path of worship that could illustrate the connection we as humans have with the energy that surrounds us was of great interest to me. On the other hand, ritualistic religions that imposed a strict code of conduct on its devotees that (to me) appeared to be worship out of obligation & fear, didn't intrigue me.

Hinduism was one such religion that didn't intrigue me. Simply because I was never close enough to anyone who truly practiced it. Whatever knowledge I had was based purely on assumption. And most of those were peppered with prejudices & biasness.

So when a friend of mine, Smelly Cat, invited me to accompany her to a Hindu temple after work one evening, I accepted. More out of wanting to give her moral support as she had married a Hindu and was attempting to understand & practice the religion. To say I felt like Inspector Gadget trapped in Amish country would have been a gross understatement.

First of all, I stuck out like a sore thumb. Amidst a sea of colorful sari-clad women & traditionally attired men was me; dressed in tight black office slacks and a spaghetti-strapped top that I had to hide under a heavy jacket I normally wear in the comfort of air-conditioned spaces. Definitely not your typical temple-going garb! Ignoring the curious stares I was getting I stayed close to Smelly Cat and told her that I was going to mirror her every move. On hindsight that wasn't particularly brilliant of me as she hardly knew what she was doing either. But at the very least, she knew more than me.

So, we paid to buy offerings of coconut & flowers. And we got it blessed by the priest who then took our offerings into an almost hidden chamber in which the statue of Lord Ganesha resided. By this time, I was oblivious to the sounds of the street and the movement of people shuffling about the temple. I closed my eyes, lulled by the gentle and soul inspiring chants, I just spoke to Lord Ganesha, offering up the most heartfelt prayer I have ever made in a long long while to any God or deity.

When it was time to leave, I was really quite sad for no apparent reason. For such a long time, I had been feeling restless and my heart was never at peace even when I was in bed at night. But for a few minutes at the temple, I felt a calmness I hadn't felt in a long while. And it surprised me totally because it was the last place I would have expected to feel that way.

Anyway, I didn't think much of it until a couple of weeks ago when my mom went for a minor surgery to remove a cyst. It was then the doctor (Dr. Ganesh) discovered that my mom's blood pressure was sky rocketing. He put her on pressure pills and it has improved the quality of her life tremendously. Previous complaints of dizzyness & feelings of malaise have all but disappeared.

I couldn't help but think of the prayer I made at the temple of Lord Ganesha; asking him to protect my mom and to give her good health. Anyway, coincidence or not, I told Smelly Cat that I wanted to go back to the temple to give thanks to Lord Ganesha. Unknowingly, the day that I mentioned this to her was a sacred day for him according to Hindu rites. When I returned home, I casually mentioned to my mom about my prayer for her to Lord Ganesha and how apt it was that she was under the care of a doctor who was new to us and he is named Ganesh.

My mom is a Buddhist and although she "converted" to Catholicism to marry my dad, her belief in the Buddhist way of life never faded. She smiled when I told her about my little one on one with Lord Ganesha and said she wasn't surprised. She then started to tell me about the time she was rooming in the home of a Hindu family when she was single & was being pursued relentlessly by my dad. She would kneel everyday at the altar of Lord Ganesha and seek his wisdom and counsel in helping her make the decision on accepting my dad's proposal.

It was totally unknown to me all these years that my mom had worshipped at his feet daily for many months. So, it's hardly surprising then, that he was watching out for her.

I have spent most of the past 3 years, learning and understanding Wicca. Part of the Wiccan practice is to find the God & Goddess who "speaks" to you. I have been told by elders of the Wiccan faith, that they will seek you out and you will know when they do. I think Lord Ganesha has with resounding clarity told me he is mine.

I wonder if it's another coincidence that my nanny when I was a baby was named after his mother, Parvati.

In any case, he has opened the door to another spiritual world that I am absolutely intrigued to know more about.

Notes:
1. *Mantra To Lord Ganesha:
O Lord Ganesha of Large body, curved trunk, with the brilliance of a million suns, please make all my work free of obstacles, always.
2. Ganesha is worshipped as the lord of beginnings and as the lord of obstacles (Vighnesha), He is honoured with affection at the start of any ritual or ceremony and invoked as the "Patron of Letters" at the beginning of any writing. patron of arts and sciences, and the god of intellect and wisdom.

Blessed Yule

Yule or the winter solstice happens around Dec 21 and is the longest darkest night of the year. It is a pagan celebration that follow many of the traditions of the season. From decorated trees, carolling, presents, Yule logs and mistletoe.

The holiday of Christmas has always been more Pagan than Christian with its Nordic divination, Celtic fertility rites and Roman Mithraism. Martin Luther abhorred it and Puritans refused to acknowledge it for its close association with the birth of many Pagan Gods and heroes like Oedipus, Hercules, Apollo, Mitha etc. Many of them possessing a narrative of birth, death and resurrection, that was uncomfortably close to Jesus. Plus many of them pre-dated the Christian Saviour.

According to Pagan belief, the Winter Solstice is the birthday of the new Sun King. On this darkest of nights the Goddess becomes the Great Mother and once again gives birth. That is why Pagans have much right and joy in celebrating this season as much as Christians.

More so because the Christians were rather late in laying claim to it and tried more than once to reject it. There had been a tradition in the West that Mary gave birth on the 25 but no one could decide on the month. The Catholic Fathers in Rome decided to make it in December to coincide with the Mithraic celebrations of the Romans and the Yule celebrations of the Celts and the Saxons.

There has never been any doubt that the date chosen was not historically correct because shepherds just don't "tend their flocks by night" in the dead winter! If one were to use the New Testament then this evidence would point to the birth of Jesus to be in spring.

Christian or Pagan, it really doesn't matter because this is a magical season. Regardless of our interpretation, it is a time to show the people we love how much we care and in the darkest night of our soul, springs the birth of new hope and fire within us.

Blessed Yule Everyone!

A Thanksgiving

My my, I have been rather spiritual these past two posts haven't I? Well, I suppose even a self-proclaimed wench & a she-devil deserves her moments of sombre spirituality. Its not always that I get this way and frankly I do believe it confuses some of the people who think they know me quite well.

For most people, birthdays and New Years are probably one of the few times that they indulge in retrospective contemplation. And I guess, I am no different.

Coincidentally, the day of my birth is usually the Autumn Equinox. In the Wiccan world, the days between Sept 20 - Sept 23 is also known as Mabon (MAY-bone); the festival of the second harvest. It is a time of rejoicing and thanksgiving, a time on the Earth when, again, night and day are in equal balance. At Mabon, its the time for rest, reflection , and for completing anything left undone before the advent of a new year.

Oddly enough, for the first time in my whole adult life, I am actually having a birthday party and its on the Sabbat of Mabon. Traditional Wiccan celebrations of this Sabbat include a hearty feast for friends and loved ones. Call it serendipity or whatchamacalit but it has been the perfect year for me to celebrate my birthday for once with a party.

Although its been a year of mighty financial struggles for me, I am immensely thankful for the people who have been my cornerstone, namely my parents and my ever precious sweetheart, Randy Scoundrel. Without my Randy Pandy, there would have been no way I could have had the opportunity to figure out what I want to do with my life and the direction I want it to take. The pieces of the puzzle have finally fallen into place and I know where I am going.

Next year will see the birth of a part of me. Don't get all excited now, I am not expecting Scoundrel Jr! Be patient, and I will let you in on my new creation. Alright, I think my spirituality is all done now.

The Trollop will be back after the party in Port Dickson. What's that? You want updates? *sniggles* Sorry, what happens within those teepees, shall stay within those teepees! (No, sweetheart, YOU will get all the info uncensored but embellished, just like how you like 'em....hee hee)

Alrighty..am off to bed now. Have a good weekend y'all. The bitch will be back.

A Prayer Of Dedication

O Gracious Goddess, O Gracious God, I come to you tonight freely, with the eyes and the heart of a child, that I may be reborn of your light and your spirit when I leave this sacred circle.

I seek to walk with you, from this moment, in every moment. I ask that you help me continue to grow, and learn, and evolve as a spiritual human, always in your care; to live consciously, in peace and trust, without fear.

Help me to deepen my connection to you and to all that is sacred; to the Earth and her rhythms, the Moon and her cycles, and to all the things that share this collective space.

Help me to make choices in my life, rather than having reactions. Help me learn to allow, to flow with life, and to walk in grace. Help me to integrate and balance my energies, both the dark and the light. Help me to achieve and maintain an optimum level of health in my body, my heart, my mind and my spirit.

Help me to find a truer, calmer pace, both in my words and in my actions, to create my future with integrity, and to find peace and contentment in the present. Help me to find and recognize more reasons to be happy, to experience more humour, to laugh and to play more, and to focus less on challenge or negativity.

Help me learn to love others with more honesty, more compassion, and less judgement; with better personal boundaries; and with far more sanity.

Help me to experience more clarity, insight and vision, and to manifest what I need and desire from that calm and centered place.

Help me to be patient in all things.

Help me to help others find their true connection to Spirit and to themselves.

Help me to know myself exquisitely, to trust myself implicitly, to honour and care for myself as I would a precious gift. Help me to acknowledge and love the person that I am at any given moment, and above all, help me to be an ordinary woman who does extraordinary things with her life, her love and her spirit.

O Gracious Goddess, O Gracious God, I ask these things in your presence and in your name, that they may come to me gently, and in joy, that they be my truth from this moment on, the 33rd anniversary of my creation.

So Mote It Be!

We Remember

It's the fifth year of 9/11 and we remember all those who lost their lives. And their families who continue to struggle day by day to move on.

Let also remember innocent lives lost pre 9/11 and post due to wars, political strife and horrific acts of terrorism around the world.

My wish is that there will be a day when Man realises that what ever the cause, there is no justification for killing. Be it a heinous terrorist attack or an equally heinous government sanctioned war or invasion.

We are all human beings. Let us remember that whatever our creed our blood runs red and our hearts ache for fallen loved ones.

Holier Than Thou

The concept of religion has been featuring rather prominently in my life at the moment. Although I was baptized a Catholic as a wee lil devil, I was also educated in the Buddhist way of life.

33 years down the road, I am here on practically a Pagan spiritual path. But let's not talk about that today. What I find most interesting is that this past week, I have been told to:

a) read the Bible more
b) chant Buddhist prayers more

Why?

So that my soul is saved and that I will have a good rebirth.

I find those comments interesting because it came from two women who have done some very despicable acts to fellow humans.

As I type this now, in a house a few doors down, a home Mass is being conducted. Interesting venue I thought because the couple who live there have an Indonesian maid who is so badly treated and this wonderful "pious" couple are also very cruel towards animals.

So, what is the purpose of religion then? A form of control to curb our "evil" insticts? A method to induce us to do good at least once a year? Or a self-serving system to assure ourselves that we have booked ring-side seats in the next life?

I am not saying there arent good religious people out there. I am sure there are and I do know some. But I am also equally sure there are very good people who are not religious and I know many of such people. Some of them are pagans, atheists or otherwise leading alternative lifestyles that are frowned upon by all mainstream religions.

While the pious people in my life are busy with their rituals and preaching to others about the redemption of their souls and the quality of their rebirth the unpious are busy as well.

Busy helping to make the neighbourhood we live in safer. Actively raising $$$ for orphanages and other needy causes. Donating their time and skills to those who need their help. Socializing with the labour force in their workplace or home, realising that these migrant workers have no friends & family here.

And they do this, purely from the heart and in most cases instinctive. Its not part of a social outreach program organised by a church, temple or mosque. Its not lead by fear that they have not done their bit for the less fortunate. Its not motivated by the thought of gaining merits and obtaining good karma.

Its done because one strives to be a good person. Just simply that.

On the flip side, I know many people turn to religion as an anchor, a guiding light in the tumultous sea called life. And that is fine because we each find our spiritual strength from some source. But how can one person tell another what their personal source should be? It defies our will as an individual to choose our own path. And its even more insulting to tell someone you should read the Bible more or to chant more.

If I had to choose a religion, I would choose one of kindness.

This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness. - The Dalai Lama -

My country is the world, and my religion is to do good. - Thomas Paine -