I suspect either on Feb 12 or Feb 13, Foxy must have died. The last time I saw her, she was frail and lethargic sitting under a drain.
I went back to look for her on the 14th, but she was not visible.
Its painful when an animal you have loved and cherished passes on and you can't find their body to give them a respectable send off.
Lacey is all on his own now. Poor lil fella. So now, even the back of my house is quiet and pretty much lifeless.
I never realised how deeply entrenched all of them have been in me so much so now, there is a void I cannot describe.
People allow you time to mourn and grieve when you lose a human but somehow think the loss of an animal can be overcome much easier and expect you to be back in business in a flash. So you let yourself go with the flow because it hurts less compared to hearing comments that are unfeeling and unthinking.
You long for quiet understanding instead of having to articulate your feelings. And to your surprise someone you have known for a couple of months whom you haven't met, relates your pain without you having to say a word. Or someone you met by chance offers you unconditional support and shows you they care in little tiny ways that mean a lot.
When they were alive and were with me, my babies taught me so much about animal behaviour and the interaction between man & beast. But their greatest lesson has been in their death for it has shown me the lengths I am capable of going to nurture and the pain I am able to endure.
The very depths of me have already been ripped out, I can only just move on and be comforted in the thought that I gave them the best I could. And maybe one day, Prince Charming and I will be able to make the dream we have of having a sanctuary a reality for all those unfortunate fur babies who weren't lucky enough to be born as pedigree animals.